The End… For Now

Blogdate: July 27, 2008; 10:03 PM

In eleven hours, I will be taken to a torture chamber where they’ll sedate me and rip out my budding wisdom tooth with horrific implements of death. But, before I undergo that ordeal, I underwent another…

The fourth Next Food Network Star was finally chosen. This time, three finalists managed to force the judges to do something different – there was no vote, I think. Instead, there was one final challenge – a pilot audition done with one of the best producers of the business.

Each pilot was presented perfectly. Lisa, as I had said, was awesome. Of course, I could be biased as I am a fellow Texan, though my birthplace is in the southern tip and not the Panhandle.

Adam Gertler got the geeky part of me. A show where you could converse with the chef via webcam, like they do those virtual audiences on G4 while he cooks? Brilliant!

However, I think somehow my pity reached out and dazzled the people who saw Aaron, the bald black guy. While there is already a bald guy(Iron Chef Symon) and a black family(the Nealys), somehow Aaron’s Motown Big Daddy personality clearly screamed “I have a dream!”

He wasn’t Aaron McCarrough Jr., he was Martin Luther King Jr.

And thus, he won his own show.

This is my final blog in this category, though I never got any feedback from anyone. I guess this is just a journal of my experiences. I seriously hope that Jason McCarrough, whereever he is or whatever he’s doing, can see the premiere episode of “Big Daddy’s Kitchen” and realize what an idiotic jerk-hole he was by running away.

But then, if he hadn’t… Aaron might not have gone through with this. It’s sort of like how Amy felt like she was a failure, but in the end, she won. Though her show was a one-trick pony, she got the courage to become a foodie and travel to France at long last.

I hope that Aaron might be the next Guy Fieri, but whatever happens, all is well with him now.

Which makes me wonder… should I send in a tape next time? Sadly, I can’t afford to go to New York. I’m sure I’m in the red this month, and my folks won’t pay for me to go to New York just to come home a failure. They see me as a failure now because I wasted my talent.

Well, no longer. I may have failed at being a great cook, but I will try hard to make an excellent computer game which will bring back the happy days of computer gaming.

Dreams will come true, as Aaron has shown me. Yes, I must start working on my dreams…

…right after I finish this Apocalypse Challenge, I swear. ^_^

The end is in sight…?

Well, last night was an very exciting night. My parents are out of town to pick up my sister and her husband and move them back down here to Texas – which is good, as I would love to chat with her again – and the “final” challenge of the Next Food Network Star this season has been completed.

The three contestants left out of all the eight are Lisa Garza(a fellow Texan and very chic), Aaron McCourough Jr.(a black bald guy who has camera issues), and Adam Gertler(which I don’t care about any old way).

Guy Fieri, the now celebrity chef who had won Season 2’s contest(you know, the one my favorite Jess Dang got kicked out immediately?), hosted the challenges. The mini-challenge was doing a 30-second TV promo. The main challenge was making a lavish buffet for the most famous performers and celebrities of Sin City, and three of the eliminated(Kelsey, Shane, and Jen[yay!]) were the sous-chefs.

The surprising news was that the judges were deadlocked even after the challenges. Each contestant had good points and bad points.

* Lisa’s promo was hard for her, she couldn’t do things on the fly and she was being towed on a cable all the time. Her buffet was hurt because she had dropped half of the fish she wanted to serve[meaning she had to shrink potions] and her pork got toasted, meaning her foods were served in sample portion. However, her intro performance was beautiful – she should forget about being a Celebrity Chef and be a Rock Goddess!

* Aaron did really really well on the promo challenge. For having trouble with the camera all this time, Bobby inspired him to fight it and he dazzled everyone. Sadly, his intro was horrible and uncomfortable, and his buffet was 80% pasta dishes, which was bad news.

* Adam did excellent on both the promo and buffet. He surely won the challenges. It didn’t hurt that he was skilled on the stage. Still, his intro needed a little more dazzle.

Eventually, the judges decided that it was impossible to eliminate anyone now, so they brought all three back to New York. What this means, I do not know, but I assume they’ll do a tie-breaker challenge to kick off someone.

While I am supporting Lisa, I know how dangerous bias is – there’s still a chance Lisa is eliminated on the final challenge, leaving me two men I don’t really like, but then again, I didn’t really like Guy Fieri and he won me over, so maybe if it’s just the guys again, I might support Aaron, just because I pity him and want his runaway son to see him on TV and come back home. I dunno, Adam’s really doing well to make up for his lackluster performances all this time.

It’s anyone’s game right now, but Lisa still has my vote, because Kelsey and Shane were ousted.

At this point, I’ve run out of funny titles.

I apologize for not updating on The Next Food Network Star progress. Since it’s only two days before the seventh episode, I decided to put this brief summary up

I had to say goodbye to two of my favorite contests the past two weeks.

First, Jen was axed. I felt sorry for her, but it was inevitable. Her confidence issues had struck again and killed her there and then. I really wanted to see a cooking show focused on kids, but she disappointed her daughter badly. Hopefully the tyke won’t bawl her eyes out because mommy won’t be on TV. Sorry, Jen.

My fave Iron Chef, Cat Cora, was the host of that week. The mini-challenge was doing a taste review of someone else’s dish in one minute’s time. Everyone did poorly there. The main challenge was re-inventing a complex dish into a simple dish. The three lucky monsters were Beef Wellington, Coq Au Vin, and Turducken. Kelsey and Shane, who picked Beef Wellington, tore through the challenge and won the spot on Bon Appetit’s recipe list for the August issue.

The previous episode, aired last Sunday, had a lot of stuff going on. The guests did a guest segment on Rachael Ray’s talk show, again, but there was a twist. The contestants worked with Brownies, a branch of Girl Scouts who are for very young girls, and would do their segment alongside the Brownies.

Needless to say, each of the contestants had their problems. Lisa clammed up like a Cloyster when she was with Rachael, Kelsey bossed Rachael around, which was a negative in my book. I’m a big Rachael Ray fan and people who boss her around get cowplanted!

Aaron stupidly turned his back to the camera to wash his hands. I know there was no way to wash your hands there because the sink was positioned wrong, but never turn your face away from the camera, ever. Adam probably won the challenge because I read in Tuschman’s blog that Rachael loved his food and the way he interacted with her and the Brownie.

Sadly, Shane had completely neglected the kid. Worse, he confessed that he has never been to France and only wanted to be a French chef because of a class he took. Kelsey may be the worst off in experience, but Shane was axed because FN doesn’t like people who claim to be ethnic culinaires and have never been to the country their cuisine was born from. I’d never say I’m a Japanese foodie, because I can’t afford to go to Tokyo for even a day!

Shane, do us a favor – either forget about French Cuisine and do some American culinary point of view, or save up your nickels and dimes and take a three-day-two-night vacation to gay Parie! Sadly, you aren’t even going to get to Las Vegas like the remaining four contestants.

This Sunday, Bobby Flay is going to challenge Lisa, Kelsey, Aaron, and Adam to a throwdown in Sin City. I only hope that the four keep up to good work. I’m rooting for the girls, but if they get eliminated, I might pick Aaron for the vote. Yeah, he’s black and bald, but better him than bad chef Adam – unless Adam can get his A+ game on fast.

Still, I have high hopes Kelsey might be in the final vote. She just needs to stop worrying about being inexperienced and prove that young people can make great cooking show hosts too! Lisa, I’m sorry not to support you, but you need to stop being all frou-frou and connect to the viewers, who don’t care crackers about fine dining. You need to show them that fine dining isn’t expensive or difficult.

Everyone is on thin ice now, so please please please, don’t disappoint me. 😦

The Next Food Network Star: Fourth Episode which I didn’t get the title of, oops.

Warning: T rated for mild profanity.

My dad doesn’t like to put up with crap.

Being an Professor that teaches Business Accounting, he should be getting respect. But he tells me stories of students who come to him and complain that they got bad grades and beg for good grades to get their degrees when they clearly didn’t study. My dad is a firm believer of hard work, and he’s sort of upset at the way I flittered my life away on video games and hate clerical work. When we were young, me and Dad argued a lot about my future. That’s how much he hates people who can’t walk the walk.

If he were on the selection committee of The Next Food Network Star this season and had witnessed Nipa’s outburst, he would have immediately gotten up and told Nipa Bhatt to leave and never return, and if he had been the guest judge on this episode, he would have done the same thing and added “I do not want you to expect to ever get famous off of cooking.”

Yeah, that’s the same way I feel after Nipa’s behavior this episode. I’m almost tempted to have a Sim looking like my father argue with and fight a Nipa-Sim, who would go sob into her hands.

First, let me describe this week’s challenges:

(1) For the mini-challenge, Tyler Florence asked each contestant to do a sixty-second instructional video on a food technique. Kelsey won this one and her video is showcased on the Food Network site. Jen lost it after being told not to apologize AGAIN.

(2) Kelsey also won the main challenge; Michael Symon(who I have finally come to grips with for winning the Next Iron Chef competition – I don’t think they’ll do that again, though) had each contestant plan two fish dishes. One would use a sweet ingredient. Then the dishes were to be served to 30 members of the Atlantic Coast Guard with a short presentation.

Now for my gripes:

(1) Jen, you need to withdraw from this challenge and go see a counselor immediately. I know I should be talking, having been forced to visit many many shrinks for my autism problem, but anyone who was teased as a child and still can’t get over confidence issues in adulthood expect in private needs therapy. Jen, I really would like to see your kid’s cooking show, but not if it means you have to apologize for things you can’t control. GET HELP.

(2) Nipa, I had a few issues about you, but I want to say I’m sorry about those issues – you tried really hard, but I knew you’d get eliminated because anyone who walks out two episodes should not be let back in. Also, if you can’t touch dead fish, how the hell were you able to make anything other than curried crap for Indian cuisine? I really wish you could have expressed your love of Indian foodfare, but not if you can’t handle dead fish, because India is 50% coastline and clearly has a great fishing trade. Did your parents never feed you fish, girl?

Ah, c’est la vie. I hope you can get over your fish-phobia before you die of old age.

(3) Lisa, I can’t believe you wore gucci shoes and a dress to an adventure where you clearly were handling food. My mom and my sisters would never ever wear high-heeled shoes while prepping food, as that is a sign of clear disaster. I admit I too had spilled my share of foods and gotten my shirt dirty, but any idiot who wears good clothes to food prep deserves to ruin them.

Other than that, your mess may have saved you for another week, as the judges were impressed by the non-divine goddess Lisa. If you can just keep that silly Lisa, you might get into the finalist vote! I’m rooting for you as a fellow Texan. 🙂

(4) Aaron, I’m sorry, man. I know how it feels to lose someone close to you when they run away from home and don’t come back. I had a gray kitten, Ash, who I let out to prowl and he didn’t return after a week. Thinking about it… it really hurts. It does. I’m scared to get another cat because I’m afraid I might lose it too. Having someone close run away from home is horrible, thinking about the fate they might suffer.

I’m 100% behind you, man. Even if you don’t win this, you shouldn’t be sad. Keep your chin up, and maybe Josh will see you on TV and regret his actions… if he’s still alive. *sob*

(5) Adam, I regret to say that there is no way you’re going to do well here. I’m betting you’re up next on the chopping block. Tripping and falling went out with the clown age, and that video you did was just horrible. If you can’t prep an artichoke, you need to learn.

I want to see an Alton Brown prodigy, not Bozo the Clown’s Crazy Cooking.

(6) Shane and Kelsey, you are doing better. Keep it up and you might be the two who get into the finalist vote. I’m backing you two!

Enough said. Le’ts just hope next week is a little better for all enough… oh, and no more Hollywood dancing, please. 😦

You…In A Morphing Jar: Episode 3

(Now I get to use Yu-Gi-Oh puns! Yahoo! ^_^)
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Yep, it’s the third episode! I apologize for putting Episode 2’s blog up just so close to this one, but I was really upset by Nipa’s tantrum, it reminded me of when I threw a fit when I couldn’t get what I wanted. I was a really bad baby back then at the tender age of 25… <_<
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(Also, I accidently dropped a juice glass and it shattered in a million shards, then I accidently stepped on the glass, so I might have lacerated my foot, so I apologize if I’m late with this one too. Also, blame Will Wright and his evil software, The Sims 2. LOLZ!)

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Anyways, there were two challenges again. The first(which the judges called a mini-challenge, so I’ll do that too) was to make a dish from the most culinary inert foodstuff in the universe: potatoes.

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My thoughts:

• Jen uttered the dreaded “uhm.” I’ve been in speech classes, and the teacher always bashes me for using “uhm” so often. You can’t expect to get respect if you stammer and don’t have a speech impediment.
• Lisa stopped at 45 seconds and stalled for time. That was not smart. If the command was to spend a minute talking, you talk for a minute about the food, about your life, and what have you. I’ve had similar problems, which is yet another reason I won’t apply for a future Season of this show.

The second challenge was to make a brand of their own food product and pitch it to fifty people who shop at speciality food stores. As a surprise guest, the Divine Goddess of All That Is Brand Names and Fine Living(Martha Stewart) tried out the product as well as the judges.

My thoughts:

• Nipa did something stupid again – she stole all the cayenne pepper to make her two- ingredient seasoned sugar, leaving Aaron out in the cold. Maybe it did Aaron good, because he was able to impress The Branding Goddess with his salad dressing by using a dried jalapeno powder instead.
• Jeffery and Nipa did very poorly. While seasoning blend is probably what I’d go for if I had to do that sort of challenge, I wouldn’t try to make something any layman could make. I’d kick it up a notch with all sorts of stuff. If Nipa had put some garam masala or ground grains of paradise in her seasoning, she might have done better.
• Kelsey, girl, don’t get upset! You had no idea that the Divine Mistress of Brand Names was going to be trying your product. I probably would have done the same mistake, serving her finger food that was beneath her.

Afterthoughts:

• MY GOD, WOMEN REALLY ARE EMO!!! CAN THE WATERWORKS ALREADY! I’m not being sexist, but Lisa, Kelsey, and Jen(after the elimination) turned on the eye faucets. I know Kelsey was upset because she was told her personality was grating, but suck it up, girl! Nobody’s going to respect you if you bawl like that. Lisa had every right to cry, though; if I had met Alton Brown and he was judging my efforts, I’d be acting like a fanboy too.
• Jeffery was the third casuality; in other words, the third person eliminated. I am not being mean to the blacks, in fact I felt a little pity for Jeffery. He tried his hardest, he did much better than anyone else. He didn’t break down or walk out or act up, but they kicked him out! I’m blaming Kevin and Cory for his elimination because he was cursed with their bad luck. Of course, it could also be that he, like Cory, was not suited to life behind a camera. Regardless, we will miss him and his fine spectacles.
• Lisa once again redeems herself by winning the branding challenge.
• After reading the first comment on Bob’s blog, I have only one thing to say about that person – judge not lest ye be judged yourself! So what if Martha got busted for fraud or you think she’s a snooty snob? I never judge people based on their past actions, and her “arrogance” is only in your mind, man.

Who Got Eliminated?: Jeffery

My Predictions: One of the girls is getting eliminated next, no doubt about it. Nipa’s climbing back up, back her tantrum has really made it hard to escape elimination next time unless she pulls a miracle out of her @$$. Jen is also not doing very well, she’s still not emoting enough… and I like her idea of a show that teaches kid-friendly cooking. Guy’s great, but I can’t think of any way to make his cocktails for kids.

What I might put up on YouTube next, if it weren’t for the threat of a lawsuit: A Martha Stewart Sim dying in a kitchen fire or being eaten by a killer fly swarm, just to appease you Martha Stewart haters. 😀

Starmie On The Go: Again, Why Do They Keep DOING THIS?!?

Sorry about not posting until now, but I didn’t feel like updating for a few days. I’ll try to put up something faster next week, it’s just… last Sunday’s episode was so… depressing.

The only part I liked was when Robert Irvine came in at three in the morning and woke everyone up by banging a pot, like he did in the episode (sorry, I don’t remember the name of that episode where Robert made the fraternity brothers cook a meal for the college faculty, but it was funny how he banged the pot to wake them up).

Yes, Robert was today’s guest judge and challenge host, so I knew he was going to give them a “Dinner: Impossible” challenge. But the first challenge was pretty surprising:

Challenge #1: Trivia Race – Go to three speciality shops(a butchet, a baker, and a cheese-maker) and answer a trivia question. Get it right, you get to choose one of three of their product for the main challenge. Get it wrong, and someone has to do food prep.

The nine survivors were split into three equal-member teams:

Blue Team: Lisa, Nipa, and Shane

Green Team: Kelsey, Jeffery, and Kevin

Grey Team: Aaron, Jenny, and Adam

I’m not going to explain everything that happen, but here is some advice to a group that bunks together, if you decide to do something like this:

To the players: Don’t dilly-dally like Nipa did, or else you will be way behind and find it almost impossible to get into the lead. Also, make sure you get your team-mate’s opinion before you answer the question because they might have some insight which could save your bacon – no pun intended.

To the people who host the challenge: Don’t try to confuse your players. Make sure they have an idea of how smart they are in the culinary department.

Needless to say, this is the first time I actually saw real live(or un-alive) headcheese. I asked my dad over dinner about it, and he chuckled when I said he would have recognized that gray ugly slab at once. <_<

Anyways, Team Grey got to the main challenge first while Team Green lagged in last place. Each of the teams ended up with the following foodstuffs:

Team Blue: Day-old Baguettes, Danish Bleu Cheese, and Lamb

Team Green: Raisin bread(I can’t pronounce the name of that bread!), Buffalo Mozarella, and Duck Breast

Team Grey: Brioche(sweet bread), Ricotta, & Beef

Main Challenge: Using the three ingredients you have gotten from the first challenge, create three dishes for a train-side brunch for thirty people and the judges in a certain amount of time.

Again, time management and poor plate distribution killed Kelsey’s team, as they were unable to put an even amount of food on each plate, and the judges got less food than the others.

Adam had the bright(read, as brilliant as Captain Qwark) idea to make sunny-side up eggs, which got him a lot of flak from Aaron. Adam tried as hard as he could to make it work, but it failed and the eggs got undercooked to the point of “did you just crack this egg on the bread and serve it salmonella-style?”

Finally, Nipa’s dish was far too spicy for human consumption.

Now for some afterthoughts:

1. Nipa didn’t walk out as I had thought. She just cracked under the pressure of the judges and ran off to lick her wounds. I’m reminded of myself in a way – unable to handle harsh critics, one runs away and hides, wondering if they did the smart thing by entering this stupid contest. Unfortunately, she came to her senses and threw herself on the judges’ feet, begging for forgiveness. Unfortunately for her, a lot of people outside the contest griped and groaned about that behavior. It makes sense: If I had done something like that in front of a group of harsh judges, I probably would have cut my losses and dropped out instead of begging to stay. 😦
2. Kevin, Mr. Love-Food Doctor, was the second unlucky loser who got axed. Call me a prudish old-fashioned unromantic if you want, but I really don’t think you should be making out in the kitchen. Sorry, Kevin, but if you wanted to get guys and girls to cook together while stealing kisses from each other, you REALLY should have shown that you wanted to do this. I agree with Bob Tuschman, Kevin looked more like the typical man who girls don’t like; instead of making a sexy romantic meal for a girl and flirting, he would rather be parked on his couch playing Halo 3 online with his gaming buddies. I could probably do a better “Romance in the Kitchen” TV show better than you, and all I know about romance is from fanfiction and video games! Moral of the story: You may talk the talk, but you have to walk the walk. Nobody will miss Kevin’s CPOV.
3. Finally, Lisa redeemed herself by making a killer French Toast from the stale baguettes. She clearly did her Good Eats homework, and knew that stale bread makes a tastier French Bread than fresh bread(which explains why Jenny’s French Bread was panned, making French Bread from brioche is a bad idea); she also cleaned up her presentation and cut her CPOV to something that the layman can nibble on and like.
4. Wait, this is the final part: If I were Aaron, I would have done the same entrance and then pointed out Adam’s “scheme” to make him look bad. Adam, you jerkwad – first raw eggs and now doing a politically-incorrect skit; that’s going to hurt you. 😦

All in all, I have to say that Lisa’s pulled herself out of the dangerous territory of immediate elimination, Nipa’s now teetering on the edge of getting sent home, Adam in a jerkwad(and I thought he could be Alton’s successor!), Aaron rocks, Kelsey could be Rachael Ray’s successor, and the two Js(Jenny and Jeffery) are fading into the background(which is bad news, remember Patrick and Vivien from the last season?). As for Shane? Well, he’s still having trouble getting his food cooked properly, but if he gets his act together, he could be in all the way. 🙂

Who Got Eliminated: Kevin

Predictions for next week:

• Well, I don’t have any, but I know Nipa’s going to probably be eliminated soon, due to her outburst. She got put on warning from Bob, which is never a good thing. I think he didn’t like how Nipa was acting like Amy did last season.
• I predict someone is going to be weeping in their hands. geez, people, stop crying all the time; the judges are not going to be bribed by sympathy acts.

NEXT WEEK: Martha Stewart, the Divine Goddess of Home Living, appears to take part in a challenge!

What’s coming: Episode 2

First off, an error I wanted to point out in my first post on this whole thing, before anyone calls me on it:

After reading Amy Finley’s interview, she said that she had decided to make her show a (gasp!) one-season wonder. She told the interviewer that she decided that she wasn’t really capable of bringing “The Gourmet Next Door” into more than one season, because she had too many life issues(what with spending a year in France, then coming back to put her son through elementary school) to continue doing a cooking show. She even refused offers to do a new show!

I guess one of two things:

(1) She might take up the offer of a cooking show when she’s in middle age, after her son moves out and she has more time to devote to a TV career. She’s probably employable by Hollywood now that she’s been seen on the Food Network… or…

(2) She’s never going into TV again, preferring to stick with maybe a cookbook or web site to hide her face. After the tantrum she threw on TNFN3, I’m surprised she’s not hiding under a fedora so nobody recognizes her as “the crybaby woman.” If it were me, I’d change my sex and identity to hide the shame. (No offense to Amy Finley, everyone; if I had been in that hot seat, I would have gotten miserably and weepy too, and I’m a guy!)

(3) Or maybe she feels ashamed that she won on a technicality and hoped that FN decides to talk to J.A.G. and work out a deal so he can have cameos in other shows, so he can redeem his stupid mistake on lying on his resume. Who knows?

Needless to say, FN probably decided to shelve the episodes of “The Gourmet Next Door” they taped and forget about them, sort of like how Japan is trying to forget about Porygon and its evolved forms to make up for the shame of that seizure incident, and fear that any episode with Porygon-2 or Porygon-Z is going to have a hate mail swarm against them because they’re evolved from “the seizure Pokemon.”

Anyways, what was I going to say about this season? Oh yes, I think Nipa’s going to actually pull off a drop-out after she breaks down, and runs to the airport with tears before the FN guys can catch her. Or at least, she’ll drop out and the judges may not have to do a double-elimination. Whatever that means for the future of the reality show, I dunno.

Needless to say, the next episode sounds to be a disaster to all – the contestants will flub their dishes and nobody will escape harsh criticism. One dish will have undercooked food(eggs, this time) and another will be burned duck. Maybe the challenge was too hard, but Nipa breaks down and drops out, even though the judges were going to eliminate someone else. They decided to eliminate the other person(Lisa/Shane/or what have you) and that leaves us with seven people, allowing us to have only one person kicked out for the next five episodes and making a short season.

Whatever happens, it doesn’t seem to be very good for the contestants. I think the challenges in this season are a little TOO difficult. I know they need to weed out newbies, but I call shennagins. Maybe they realized what I did and decided not to do another season, so they’re being really ruthless to discourage anyone from sending in another tape. (Nah, I’m just too cynic.)

Either way, this doesn’t look to be a friendly season. 😦

Stay tuned next Monday or Tuesday for my take on what happens.

“I wasn’t eliminated, I was just looking for something called an Oran Berry!”

Well, ten little contestants all feeling fine, one went emo over food and then there were nine…

After last evening’s airing of the Food Network Star premiere, we had two challenges, both hosted by my patron saint, Alton Brown. (Because of this, he probably won’t show up again, unless they do another Iron Chef battle.)

First, to my surprise, was a non-cooking challenge. They didn’t cook anything. Instead, they had to speak a sentence to the camera describing their culinary point of view. (Seriously, there can’t be another season of this because they are running out of challenges to start with!)

Poor Cory froze like someone petrified by a Stone Saber, needing help to speak and stumbling over her words. It’s good she was eliminated, because she’s not ready for TV. Cracking jokes on the stage is much different from speaking to a mindless camera which is broadcasting to millions of people in the world.

Lisa was the opposite, really babbling haywire and Alton got on her back about it. Lisa, from a fellow Texan, here’s some advice… don’t say “I can deconstruct designer dining to the three Cs”, say “I can make fine dining a snap for you by three simple aspects.” You’re not speaking to elite intellectuals, you’re speaking to soccer moms and stay-at-home dads. Get a clue, girl. 😦

After watching the exit interviews, Cory took her expulsion very light-heartedly. In the main exit interview, she said “I’m not giving up my foodie life, but I’m taking a vacation.” Then with Adam Roberts, she said “Funny, they didn’t say I was eliminated, they just asked me to look for a rare ingredient”, which was a joke. Luckily, it was easily spotted a light year away. She’s “taking it with dignity”, in her own words.

Cory, you have some potential, but you just didn’t have the way to fuse fun with food service. Train some more and maybe you might get an offer from another TV station. Bon soir, mon ami.

About the episode itself, time management really killed some of the contestants and we had a few Jess Dangs in the second challenge. Shane was about to have a crying fit after feeling rotten for undercooked pork which was panned by Morimoto as being “unfit for human consumption.” It also killed Team Kelsey/Aaron because poor Mrs. Neely didn’t have a salmon sandwich.

Speaking of which… too much salmon! Geez, people, I know fish dishes are complex and simple, and salmon is cheap(I saw a slab for $2.50 at HEB), but leave the freakin’ fish that jumps up waterfalls to breed ALONE for once! If I were a fish that jumped waterfalls to breed, only to be netted and slain for food, I would start haunting you all because I’d think you wanted my freakin’ AUTOGRAPH with all those blasted dishes!!!

Likewise, poor Nipa(I’m guessing she’s Indian, and not the Navaho, get your history right!) was unable to make her suki bahji(curry potatoes) taste good because the stupid market was out of tumeric that day. 😦

However, we need not worry about not having a possible successor to Alton Brown, as Adam(or was it Kevin? I can’t tell) used a bottle of dairy, took a sip… and found out it was whipping cream. ^_^

Challenges:

1. A one-sentence speech about the contest’s C.P.O.V., w/ props as desired.
2. 10 minutes to design, 30 minutes to prep a meal for various Food Network celebs, including Morimoto and the Neelys.

Who was eliminated: Cory

Who might be next?: Lisa, if she doesn’t stop being bossy

Final thoughts: NO MORE SALMON DISHES, DARN IT!!! >_<

Here we go again…

I made comments about The Next Food Network Star’s prior seasons in articles in my “Iron Chef” category – a summary of my experiences in Season 2 in “The Next Iron Chef?!” and a brief description of my experiences of Season 3 in the rant part of the most recent update.

Due to some freaky picture inserting mayhem, the rest of this entry got sliced off like a daikon, so I’ll have to re-enter the text… but I can’t remember what I put, so I’ll just talk about the finalists and fun of them:

It had to happen: I had to find out who these people were. I can’t be blind forever as the episode is going to start in over eight hours, so here are the ten hopefuls – eight will go home in tears and the last two will be voted on, as per usual:

The Boys

Adam Gertler: I know two Adams. One is a wussy video game reviewer with a receding hairline who couldn’t fight out of a paper bag and lets girls beat him in comedy skits, and the other is a geek with glasses and bad teeth who loves blowing stuff up. Both are funny and I hope this Adam is funny too.

Shane Lyons: Anyone named “Shane” has got to be a cowboy, no doubt about it. ^_^

Aaron McCargo Jr.: Wait, that last name… Magcargo? Oh my gosh, is he related to that ugly fire snail Pokémon NOBODY uses in competitive because it dies in one hit to the two most common attacks in the game, Surf and Earthquake? I have a feeling this guy is going to be the first to be eliminated just from the omen of his last name. Also, the Jr. reminds me of Mime Jr., which I love but isn’t used for competitive battling either; guess why. (laughs; just kidding, folks!)

Kevin Roberts: I once named a Pokémon fanfiction character Kevin. I changed it to Chris, then Ryan. Something tells me this guy is going to be just as indecisive when the pressure comes and will be sent home in a paper bag. <_<

Jeffery Vaden: The ugly black guy. (This is all in fun, I never seek to offend anyone by my jest, so please don’t send a lawyer after me.) I have no comment on him as of yet, but if he surprises me, I will start getting liposuction as punishment for my appearance bias.

The Girls

Jennifer Cochranne: Oh now, you just KNOW this girl is going to be interesting. <_>

Nipa Bhatt: The Hispanic… or maybe she’s Nepalian or some Asian woman I don’t know about. Still, she’s fugly, but again, I can’t let her looks or possible screeching voice get the best of me like it did Simone back in Season 2. Hey, with Simone, I learned WTF sofrito is! ^_^

Lisa Garza: The most ordinary name and the sexist hair. I’ll cling to her like I did Jess, but be ready to bail if she gets axed first round. Can she cook and be a culinary celeb? We’ll see…

Cory Kahaney: Okay, this has got to win the award for “weirdest name in the universe.”

Kelsey Nixon: She’s sexy, blonde, and would have made a great addition to the “Sex and the City” movie… oh wait… NIXON? Holy ****, ever since that idiot Richard became the greatest laughingstock president in the history of USA presidency because he almost got impeached, anyone with the last name of Nixon is cursed to be just as scandalous. I hope we don’t have her trying to bribe the judges.

Well, that’s all for now, folks! Tomorrow, I’m going to put up the first episode report, and because I’m a Pokémon fan, I’ll alter the titles with Pokémon names! Watch this space for “Episode 1: Staryu Quality!” ^_^

Again? Enough, already!

Well, it’s about time I started to pay attention to my blog site.  I need to clean up stuff, get down, and do the work of updating. You might be surprised by this update, and what I’m about to say.

I suggest you go to the Iron Chef category and read those articles.

Why?

Well…

At the time of this writing, it is now the birth of May 30. In two days, something I have witnessed twice before will happen again. Auditions were advertised during the last season, and I’m sure that the ten contestants about to humiliate themselves and cringe under the harsh judges before them and get eliminated were chosen from thousands of people. Prior contestants need not apply.

No, this isn’t the next season of “American Idol”, it is something far worse…

The Next Food Network Star.

(evil manic laughter and thunder sounds, please)

Yep, the next Food Network Star is about to begin again in its FOURTH SEASON. The commercials for it started earlier this month and now the trailers have come a-knockin’.

I didn’t see the very first season as I only started watching the Thanksgiving after it aired. I thought those bald Hardy Boys were regular stars. But then I saw the second season and decided it would be cool to watch.

I won’t bore you with the details. My favorite was eliminated immediately first, and all the other girls got eliminated, leaving me with a black guy who wanted to steal Paula Deen’s shtick and a bearded blondie who had three restaurants and had “Off the hook!” as its catchphrase. I voted for the latter and my votes counted, for that guy – Guy Fieri – won.

I didn’t expect him to be so popular that he became a permanent fixture and get two shows and appearences in other shows, including hanging with stars like Robert Irvine and Michael Chiellero! O_O

Then came Season 3, and I prayed that a woman would at least get into the top two. I avoided bias early, but leaned to the funky Rory because I found out she was a fellow Texan. In a surprise twist, Amy Finley, a girl who I liked but didn’t want to get close to and got eliminated in the final round, came back when the other finalist was caught red-handed for lying on his background papers. Tsk tsk, bad J.A.G.!

Well, it’s happening again, and I did get a glimpse of the ten people which will compete this time. I refused to read their names because I want to be intrigued in the premiere. However, I did get some glimpses at what happened during the taping:

1. A female contestant burnt something.
2. Bobby Flay tells someone that they are close to being eliminated. (“You are on very thin ice.”)
3. A lot of running around.

(For explanatory sake, the auditions were closed as the year ended and ten people were chosen from the millions of audition tapes, then the challenges were done and taped in early 2008. What we are seeing on TV isn’t live, it was done months ago!)

More importantly is what challenges will be thrown at the ten competitiors and the judges. Here is what I know will happen:

• The main judges will be Bob Tuschman and that woman whose name I can’t remember.
• Bobby Flay will be a judge in at least one of the day’s challenges.

Here is what I assume will happen based on prior experience:

• There will be guest judges amongst the Food Network celebs or other people.
• The whole adventure will be aired over two months.
• There will be a double-elimination or two to fit the schedule. (Season 3 had eleven contestants and there were two double-eliminations to narrow the field to fit into the eight weeks of challenges. Season 2 had only eight, and there was an elimination every week for comparison measures.)
• One of the challenges will be hosted by Amy Finley, who won last year’s competition(and I call shenanigans because she wouldn’t be there if J.A.G. had been honest and not lied on his resume, Amy was E-L-I-M-I-N-A-T-E-D and brought back because they needed someone to compete with Rory, they couldn’t skip the vote)
• Most of the other challenges will be hosted by celebs. Alton, Sandra, Tyler, and Giada hosted challenges in Season 2. Paula Deen, Duff Goldman, and Robert Irvine hosted challenges in Season 3.
• Rachael Ray will meet some of the contestants. (She tutored all of them in Season 2 and the final challenge in Season 3 was cooking on her namesake talk show.)
• The first challenge will be a simple one with no flair.
• There will be a lot of sweat, blood, and tears… oh, and culinary disasters.

I am planning on updating my blog daily with progress reports on the show’s episodes, starting June 2. I’m putting this post in the Iron Chef category, but I will make a new one for Food Network Star.

But now for a [RANT]…

Enough already, Food Network. I’m not saying you should forget about bringing in new talent, but you don’t need to do this for new talent. I noticed you have SEVEN new shows crowding into the weekend lineup(O’Nealy family, Danny Boon, that black DJ woman, and that woman doing “Chic and Easy”). Why do you need to add in some hack you made take stupid challenges which a lot of people are flaming you for? Guy Fieri is OK, he was a sleeper hit and became a regular Tyler or Alton, but what about Amy Finley, your last winner? You’re probably going to either shove her show to the graveyard shift or cancel it because you have no room! And dear God, if you cancel “The Gourment Next Door”, Amy’s going to cry, after all the manure you put her through in those episodes in early 2007!

I really wanted to see Amy get aired at 4:00 PM on weekdays, but I know you can’t afford to kick Ina Garten or Sandra Lee off your network or move them to your HD channel. <_> Don’t get me wrong, Food Network; I’m going to laugh and cry with your ten contestants as eight of them are told to go home and the last two are voted on, leaving a clear winner with some cute winner ceremony where the other guys come back to celebrate… but to be honest, I won’t get to see the said winner’s show because it’ll air on the timeslot I go to freakin’ church for mass! >_<

Please, don’t ask for more tapes, because I don’t want a Season 5! I won’t begrudge you if the request commercial shows up while you’re airing this season, but enough is enough. 😦

[END RANT]