Here we go again…

I made comments about The Next Food Network Star’s prior seasons in articles in my “Iron Chef” category – a summary of my experiences in Season 2 in “The Next Iron Chef?!” and a brief description of my experiences of Season 3 in the rant part of the most recent update.

Due to some freaky picture inserting mayhem, the rest of this entry got sliced off like a daikon, so I’ll have to re-enter the text… but I can’t remember what I put, so I’ll just talk about the finalists and fun of them:

It had to happen: I had to find out who these people were. I can’t be blind forever as the episode is going to start in over eight hours, so here are the ten hopefuls – eight will go home in tears and the last two will be voted on, as per usual:

The Boys

Adam Gertler: I know two Adams. One is a wussy video game reviewer with a receding hairline who couldn’t fight out of a paper bag and lets girls beat him in comedy skits, and the other is a geek with glasses and bad teeth who loves blowing stuff up. Both are funny and I hope this Adam is funny too.

Shane Lyons: Anyone named “Shane” has got to be a cowboy, no doubt about it. ^_^

Aaron McCargo Jr.: Wait, that last name… Magcargo? Oh my gosh, is he related to that ugly fire snail Pokémon NOBODY uses in competitive because it dies in one hit to the two most common attacks in the game, Surf and Earthquake? I have a feeling this guy is going to be the first to be eliminated just from the omen of his last name. Also, the Jr. reminds me of Mime Jr., which I love but isn’t used for competitive battling either; guess why. (laughs; just kidding, folks!)

Kevin Roberts: I once named a Pokémon fanfiction character Kevin. I changed it to Chris, then Ryan. Something tells me this guy is going to be just as indecisive when the pressure comes and will be sent home in a paper bag. <_<

Jeffery Vaden: The ugly black guy. (This is all in fun, I never seek to offend anyone by my jest, so please don’t send a lawyer after me.) I have no comment on him as of yet, but if he surprises me, I will start getting liposuction as punishment for my appearance bias.

The Girls

Jennifer Cochranne: Oh now, you just KNOW this girl is going to be interesting. <_>

Nipa Bhatt: The Hispanic… or maybe she’s Nepalian or some Asian woman I don’t know about. Still, she’s fugly, but again, I can’t let her looks or possible screeching voice get the best of me like it did Simone back in Season 2. Hey, with Simone, I learned WTF sofrito is! ^_^

Lisa Garza: The most ordinary name and the sexist hair. I’ll cling to her like I did Jess, but be ready to bail if she gets axed first round. Can she cook and be a culinary celeb? We’ll see…

Cory Kahaney: Okay, this has got to win the award for “weirdest name in the universe.”

Kelsey Nixon: She’s sexy, blonde, and would have made a great addition to the “Sex and the City” movie… oh wait… NIXON? Holy ****, ever since that idiot Richard became the greatest laughingstock president in the history of USA presidency because he almost got impeached, anyone with the last name of Nixon is cursed to be just as scandalous. I hope we don’t have her trying to bribe the judges.

Well, that’s all for now, folks! Tomorrow, I’m going to put up the first episode report, and because I’m a Pokémon fan, I’ll alter the titles with Pokémon names! Watch this space for “Episode 1: Staryu Quality!” ^_^

Again? Enough, already!

Well, it’s about time I started to pay attention to my blog site.  I need to clean up stuff, get down, and do the work of updating. You might be surprised by this update, and what I’m about to say.

I suggest you go to the Iron Chef category and read those articles.

Why?

Well…

At the time of this writing, it is now the birth of May 30. In two days, something I have witnessed twice before will happen again. Auditions were advertised during the last season, and I’m sure that the ten contestants about to humiliate themselves and cringe under the harsh judges before them and get eliminated were chosen from thousands of people. Prior contestants need not apply.

No, this isn’t the next season of “American Idol”, it is something far worse…

The Next Food Network Star.

(evil manic laughter and thunder sounds, please)

Yep, the next Food Network Star is about to begin again in its FOURTH SEASON. The commercials for it started earlier this month and now the trailers have come a-knockin’.

I didn’t see the very first season as I only started watching the Thanksgiving after it aired. I thought those bald Hardy Boys were regular stars. But then I saw the second season and decided it would be cool to watch.

I won’t bore you with the details. My favorite was eliminated immediately first, and all the other girls got eliminated, leaving me with a black guy who wanted to steal Paula Deen’s shtick and a bearded blondie who had three restaurants and had “Off the hook!” as its catchphrase. I voted for the latter and my votes counted, for that guy – Guy Fieri – won.

I didn’t expect him to be so popular that he became a permanent fixture and get two shows and appearences in other shows, including hanging with stars like Robert Irvine and Michael Chiellero! O_O

Then came Season 3, and I prayed that a woman would at least get into the top two. I avoided bias early, but leaned to the funky Rory because I found out she was a fellow Texan. In a surprise twist, Amy Finley, a girl who I liked but didn’t want to get close to and got eliminated in the final round, came back when the other finalist was caught red-handed for lying on his background papers. Tsk tsk, bad J.A.G.!

Well, it’s happening again, and I did get a glimpse of the ten people which will compete this time. I refused to read their names because I want to be intrigued in the premiere. However, I did get some glimpses at what happened during the taping:

1. A female contestant burnt something.
2. Bobby Flay tells someone that they are close to being eliminated. (“You are on very thin ice.”)
3. A lot of running around.

(For explanatory sake, the auditions were closed as the year ended and ten people were chosen from the millions of audition tapes, then the challenges were done and taped in early 2008. What we are seeing on TV isn’t live, it was done months ago!)

More importantly is what challenges will be thrown at the ten competitiors and the judges. Here is what I know will happen:

• The main judges will be Bob Tuschman and that woman whose name I can’t remember.
• Bobby Flay will be a judge in at least one of the day’s challenges.

Here is what I assume will happen based on prior experience:

• There will be guest judges amongst the Food Network celebs or other people.
• The whole adventure will be aired over two months.
• There will be a double-elimination or two to fit the schedule. (Season 3 had eleven contestants and there were two double-eliminations to narrow the field to fit into the eight weeks of challenges. Season 2 had only eight, and there was an elimination every week for comparison measures.)
• One of the challenges will be hosted by Amy Finley, who won last year’s competition(and I call shenanigans because she wouldn’t be there if J.A.G. had been honest and not lied on his resume, Amy was E-L-I-M-I-N-A-T-E-D and brought back because they needed someone to compete with Rory, they couldn’t skip the vote)
• Most of the other challenges will be hosted by celebs. Alton, Sandra, Tyler, and Giada hosted challenges in Season 2. Paula Deen, Duff Goldman, and Robert Irvine hosted challenges in Season 3.
• Rachael Ray will meet some of the contestants. (She tutored all of them in Season 2 and the final challenge in Season 3 was cooking on her namesake talk show.)
• The first challenge will be a simple one with no flair.
• There will be a lot of sweat, blood, and tears… oh, and culinary disasters.

I am planning on updating my blog daily with progress reports on the show’s episodes, starting June 2. I’m putting this post in the Iron Chef category, but I will make a new one for Food Network Star.

But now for a [RANT]…

Enough already, Food Network. I’m not saying you should forget about bringing in new talent, but you don’t need to do this for new talent. I noticed you have SEVEN new shows crowding into the weekend lineup(O’Nealy family, Danny Boon, that black DJ woman, and that woman doing “Chic and Easy”). Why do you need to add in some hack you made take stupid challenges which a lot of people are flaming you for? Guy Fieri is OK, he was a sleeper hit and became a regular Tyler or Alton, but what about Amy Finley, your last winner? You’re probably going to either shove her show to the graveyard shift or cancel it because you have no room! And dear God, if you cancel “The Gourment Next Door”, Amy’s going to cry, after all the manure you put her through in those episodes in early 2007!

I really wanted to see Amy get aired at 4:00 PM on weekdays, but I know you can’t afford to kick Ina Garten or Sandra Lee off your network or move them to your HD channel. <_> Don’t get me wrong, Food Network; I’m going to laugh and cry with your ten contestants as eight of them are told to go home and the last two are voted on, leaving a clear winner with some cute winner ceremony where the other guys come back to celebrate… but to be honest, I won’t get to see the said winner’s show because it’ll air on the timeslot I go to freakin’ church for mass! >_<

Please, don’t ask for more tapes, because I don’t want a Season 5! I won’t begrudge you if the request commercial shows up while you’re airing this season, but enough is enough. 😦

[END RANT]

Why the turnover? (Pokémon animé)

 I remember fondly when I started watching Pokémon, the animé. It was the fifth episode, Ash’s very first gym battle with Brock. Misty, the female character, stood out for me. Now, I’m not a perv, I’m more of a romantic, and whenever I see a female lead, I get all gooey inside my male guts and my mind flitters like a Butterfree.

When Misty left, I was a little saddened, but not surprised. Over time, I forgot about Misty and focused on May, who had a wonderful role because her character latched onto the Pokémon contest scene. Sure, I did like Misty and her goofy Psyduck, but before we get into May and Dawn, let’s figure out a bit about Misty.

A lot of people hated the writers for dumping Misty into role as permanent Cerulean Gym Leader. Brock, who used to be the Pewter City Gym Leader, got to dump his duties on his family, but Misty’s sisters took away her freedom. Why? Well, after reading some posts on Serebii.net forums, I decided to come up with an explanation:

• When Misty and Brock were made into Ash’s companions, the animé’s original set up was to be a single season, 52 episodes, and then Ash would win the Pokémon League and get his dream, and that was it. However, by the time that epic finale was coming close, Nintendo told the writers “Oops, we’re going to do a sequel to our games, they’re a hit!” This meant that the writers had to extend Ash’s journey to get him to Johto, and it snowballed from there.
• During this first season, Misty and Brock were just there to provide comic relief and look pretty for the camera. Brock was the adult chaperone and Misty pulled his ear whenever his hormones got out of whack. It was a classic Punch-and-Judy act.
• Misty’s goal: To be the great Water Pokémon trainer in the world. Of course, specialized type trainers were very narrow-minded in their catches and training and any smart trainer like Ash would monopolize that type’s weaknesses; Ash would always beat Misty with Pikachu and his grass Pokémon every time.
• Once Johto came around, the writers were forced to come up with clever ideas for Misty, but except for catching a Corsola, Misty was reduced to a cheerleader and comic relief.
• Also, her Pokémon weren’t as popular as Ash’s. Ash had a yellow mouse which could shoot lightning, a couple of grass Pokémon, one with a crush on him, a crazy alligator, a punkish turtle, a fire dragon, and a bunch of other interesting creatures. Misty had: a couple of faceless starfish, a goldfish and seahorse which couldn’t even live out of water, a duck which was comic relief 90% of the time and got his shining moments whenever someone stupidly wounded his head, and a coral creature which acted cute. Then there was the cute baby Togepi, but thankfully the writers wrote it off by evolving it during Misty’s visit to Hoenn. Okay, so there was also a frog called Politoed which claps a lot, but it and Psyduck were the only memorable Pokémon in her lineup.
• The last two points sealed Misty’s fate: All she was good for was fighting with water Pokémon, which was her role as a gym leader in the games. Therefore, the writers realized she had to return to her gym. They could have made her a coordinator as an excuse to keep her with Ash, but by that time, people were drooling over the new “cute female lead brunette” and forgot about Misty.
• Those who complained about Misty’s axing were those who wanted Ash and Misty to hook up, but Pokémon isn’t a love-fest, the cartoon is about Ash’s journey around the world, experiencing new Pokémon adventures, not about him making out with a cute girl. I bet those people complained when Rumiko Takahashi ended her story about Ranma Saotome with him walking off with Akane as friends instead of getting married to her.

Now, that’s not to say I don’t miss Misty; she had a nice character while she was in Kanto and the Orange Islands, but once she entered Johto, most of the episodes were focused on Ash, not her. The Whirl Cup was nice, but I felt cheated she didn’t win. Still, if she had been training her Pokémon, she wouldn’t have lost to a Chinchou.

When May and Max left Ash’s company, I felt a little more sad, because I enjoyed May and especially Max. However, I am glad May is coming back to fight against Dawn. Dawn is proving to be an interesting character and these developments make her interesting. If it had been Misty training that Piplup, I would have probably seen it rot in its Pokéball. Sad but true.

I don’t know if Dawn will meet Misty(she did see Misty in Ash’s fishing lure), but it’s clear that Misty has jumped the Sharpedo. It’s time to move on.

So long, Misty, we will miss you…