Fraulein bosch devau? (trans: Oh ****, I’m doomed)

In the words of the great Shamus from Twenty Sided: “I have now acquired the tool through which I may orchestrate my own undoing. Behold, and despair:”

(Of course, it would have had more impact had I done this post two days ago… oh well. 🙂

Actually, I had an old copy of The Sims 2, but I have to get rid of it because Sims 2 Deluxe’s special Nightlife expansion is already hard-coded into the disk with its copy, so the two disks aren’t compatible.)

What in the name of all that is Arceus inspired me to go and risk my sanity with these Silly People? (Fraggle Rock reference, iirc) Well, several threads popped up on a place I like to frequent, the Let’s Play forum of the Something Awful Forums. (I recommend it to people who like video games, but don’t want to play them.)

These threads were play-throughs of The Sims 2, where the author asked people to contribute characters to the Sim Families that the author would make, and then the author would catalog what happened during the days of Sim Life. Well, they were really funny.

After I had to reinstall the game, I decided to ditch the families I had made. Somehow, I discovered a trick to getting a male Sim laid/engaged that is so ridiculously easy I’m surprised that none of the hardcore fans thought of it first… they probably did, but didn’t dare use it because it was “cheating” on the par of the cheat codes that Maxis itself put in the game as debug codes. The families I had ditched included two spectacled guys who had proposed marriage to dream women, including a man called “Ratchet”(yeah, the real Ratchet would probably bash my skull to pieces with his Omniwrench for making his human counterpart a sap) after using the “cheat” to get them to seduce the girls.

I started a “goon house” and watched two females and three males randomly generated from a fiction generator(not the Randomize function of the game itself, mind you) set fire to the kitchen and mope and gripe. Then I decided to create a storyline character, so I created a male in my image(50% in my image, and it has my real first name) and, after two Sim weeks, he had already made out passionately with two blonde women and gotten both to max relationship levels. I ended up having the Sim propose to the cooler woman, and then had him abducted by martians. (Sadly, the game didn’t get him pregnant – yeah, you read that right – and I had to cheat him into bearing a child.)

Chris, my Sim, now has had an affair, is almost ready to marry a sexy blonde with green glasses, has joined a couple of clubs, and is now nursing a baby alien boy.

The sick thing about it all is that I’m living through this Sim. I guess it’s an appropriate game for me, one where you can live out crazy romantic adventures with sexy women, seduce them(I saw the hot tub WooHoo cutscene, the engagement cutscene[thrice, see above], the alien abduction cutscene, and the baby birth scene[when Chris birthed his new son C.J. Max – thankfully the game is careful not to show actual birthing or I would get even more disgusted at being addicted to this) and even get pregnant as a guy, something many fanfiction writers love to do to male video game characters.

This must make me the craziest, nuttiest loser on the face of the god-green Earth. Pray for my dear corrupted soul, ladies and gents. Pray for it! 😦